originalfluffydomme tagged me…
Thank you! I don’t take a single day for granted. I know that sounds hyperbolic but as much as I am consciously able to be aware, I daily feel the weight of gratitude for what The Cartographer and I have. We spend a lot of time with other couples and get fresh perspective on a regular basis of just how lucky we are.
But it’s not really luck. We have done the really hard work of speaking up when we need to, holding back when we may not want to but knowing in the moment it is wiser, and guarding our tongue—being intentional in choosing what we say, how we say it, and when—in order to treat each other with respect and love. And we are greatly rewarded.
I have thought about this msg all day, really. And I am thankful you took the time to send it, but it also makes me sad. I wish you weren’t made to feel the things you were, and I wish I had some advice or encouragement for you, but all I can find is that if it matters to you (your relationship AND your needs), don’t give up. Do the hard work. See your partner as they are—an autonomous person with their own preferences (both sexual and non-sexual), who likely has some complicated road blocks that may not even be approachable at this point in time, until some other work is done, if that makes sense?
I have found that when I put my needs aside, for a time, in order to honor TC’s, it doesn’t diminish my needs in anyway (nor is that an essentially submissive thing to do) but it creates room in our relationship for him to process where he’s at, to experience relief from whatever thing is causing upset or distress or irritation, and then to see me and my needs more clearly and more tenderly. The reverse is true; we do this for each other in equal measure. I believe this approach works for every relationship, platonic or otherwise. It’s just being kind, seeing the bigger picture, and remembering that it doesn’t lessen your value or the importance of your own needs, but also that your partner’s are just as valuable as yours.
I know you weren’t looking for counsel, and I know this is a long reply, but I would feel terrible simply saying “thank you”. If you’re here, and you took the time to say what you did, it matters.