Today, 10/21, is International Fisting Day! Today is a day of celebrating a whole handed act, an intimate act, and a fun one indeed! I won’t be celebrating (I have papers and whatnot) but you can celebrate!
If it’s your thing, lube up and enjoy!
If it’s not your thing, educate yourself on how to safely fist along with other ways to remain safe during sexual acts.
If you’re not sure its your thing, do a bit of both!
Here’s some links for whatever you feel, from curious to oh yeah!:
- Fingering and Fisting 101 from Teen Health Source
- Confessions of a Fisting Addict by Roman Scandal
- How to Fist from the Speaking of Sex Podcast (Cast #016)
- 5 Tips for a Happy (Belated) Fisting Day! from Autostraddle (It’s an older article, but still very relevant)
Also, from 1-4 p.m. PST there will be a Fisting Demo and Discussion here. It features one of my favorite ladies, Miss Kitty Stryker. I suggest checking it out if you have the time. I might drop in myself!
Get educated and understand fisting, even for knowledge’s sake. Remember: play safe, sane, and consensual and enjoy what you like.
M and I are going away for a long weekend to a cabin. Last year, at this exact time, we did the same. We took a trip and reconnected like we hadn’t done in many, many years. We’d begun to heal and rekindle so many things in the year or so before, but the few months leading up to that trip were the most intense we’d had in such a long time. Maybe ever.
At that cabin, something changed in us. It’s the reason we were able to continue on a path which included D/s. It was life-changing. I fell deeper in love with him and it’s only gotten better. We’ve become closer than ever.
We leave Thursday for the cabin. I kept thinking I needed a grand gesture, some way to convey to M just how much his receptiveness, his willingness, his hard work and trustworthiness mean to me. How much I appreciate his steadfast leadership. How much this journey has meant to me.
I wrote a letter for our anniversary and it was heartfelt, but it didn’t seem like enough. I looked for a dress, something that reflected me, something I could be confident, feminine and sexy in and show him the woman I’ve become. I looked for lingerie. I did my hair and my nails.
No clothing seemed to fit just right. Not my body, but the situation. Nothing I did seemed to say what I wanted it to say. Nothing will. No material thing. No garbed or fancy presentation.
I realized, I have all I need, I have the grandest of gestures. I have me….just me. It’s all he’s ever wanted. Just me, all of me. Joyful, fulfilled me. I will kneel before this man, bare, and offer just me. No shielding or armor, no expectations or hesitations. Just a smile. He’ll know exactly what I mean.
I’m going to be sure he knows, without a doubt, he has all of me, every day, for the rest of my life.
No, not that kind!
I refer here to mental flexibility. To get to where we want to be together, we had to try on different behaviors and habits. Some worked for us and some didn’t. We both had to be willing to try, evaluate our own and each other’s responses and keep or discard whatever it was to serve our needs best.
For example, there is a restraint system attached to our bed, but it has gathered dust for months. We tried it, and it was fun, but the fun was pretty superficial for us. There’s nothing superficial or purely physical about our control and compliance, so physical restraints were not what worked for us. Instead, Papabear prefers to restrain my hands with his own. Better yet, verbal commands work for us. These methods appeal to the kind of emotional and psychological connection we have.
But he had to be willing to both try the restraints and replace them with what works better for us to get to where we are happiest.
Sometimes it’s my own behaviors that have to be tested with his agreement. One example here is also a good illustration of how reading others’ ideas can be helpful, as long as we don’t accept them as our own norm. When we are in public together but some distance apart, I will often sit with my hands turned upward in my lap. It is a sign of my submission to him that only he knows and can see from across a room. He likes it, and so do I. This behavior was a suggestion from another submissive woman.
One behavior that we tried but later let go of was my wearing a headscarf in public as another sign of submission. I did enjoy the shy smiles from other women in headscarves, but my normal body temperature is higher than most, so added warmth didn’t work for me. Papabear easily let it go as a consistent thing, but he likes seeing me in one now and then, I think. The point is that he was willing to try and evaluate the behavior based on what was best for us both. Perhaps I’ll do more of this one now that the weather has turned.
The greatest and most powerful effect of Papabear’s flexibility has been in how he accepts and then develops his enjoyment of the ways sex changes over time. Without flexibility here, we would be in serious trouble, given our advanced ages!
It takes continuing flexibility to live happily in any relationship. Papabear’s willingness to embrace and enjoy change and take chances has been and continues to be one important foundation of our happiness. But the one thing that doesn’t change, that is not flexible, is our devotion to one another. Everything else illustrates the title of my home page: Everything changes; nothing dies.
This made me smile! I am glad you have found his currency! It sounds like you are a sweet, caring Daddy! Boundaries help a sub to feel safe and cared for.
I love the aftercare when my sweet sub is snuggled into my arms soaking in all the love and affection I can give! It shows them that we have forgiven them, and penance has been paid allowing them to forgive themselves as well…. perfect balance.
Hope you are well!! :-)